sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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