she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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