Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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