R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
