ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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