She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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