I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
