you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
