hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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