That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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