Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do vagina's smell?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
