oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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