No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
