Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
