now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
