honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
