He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
