my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
