perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
