Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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