you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
