my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
