hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
