my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
