She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
