he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
