My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
