can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
