Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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