I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Randomize
