O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
