you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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