oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
