Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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