I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
