Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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