she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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