im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
