I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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