just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think a kid would responsible me up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
