Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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