I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
