For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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