Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
