I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
