just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
