Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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