There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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