So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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