Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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